Stupid White Inventions : Sphincter bleaching

Just when I thought I heard it all. An a$$h@1e to dye for?

HEARD of sphincter bleaching? Beauticians are billing it as the new Brazilian wax.

“In the last couple of months I’ve had a lot of requests, so I’ve started some experiments,” says Sydney beautician Anna Marsiano from The Bees’ Knees salon.

“I’ve got one client who’s a divorced woman with a couple of kids. She was looking at a Playboy magazine with her new boyfriend and he was making some comments about how clean and light the women looked. My client started to get a little paranoid.“

Marsiano says she uses a herbal brand popular in the Philippines as a facial whitener. It is applied to the dark pigmentation around women’s rectums as well as to their vaginal areas. Marsiano says the product does not damage the skin and has “rejuvenating” properties.

But another Sydney beautician, asked about her anal lightening equipment, produces a completely different product altogether. It’s a cream that clearly states it is designed to be used on hair. This beautician has treated sex workers and strippers for years, but says mainstream demand has risen sharply over the past six months. She acknowledges that her long-term clients (many of whom come in for treatments every six weeks) suffer serious skin problems. “I explain that it will give them eczema and so on, but they want it anyway,” she says.

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The good news on sphincter bleaching is that it’s safer than anything involving general anaesthetics or fat-vacuuming gizmos. The bad news is that you could be in for a lifetime of skid marks. The chairwoman of the Australian Medical Association’s ethics committee, Rosanna Capolingua, says the use of harsh bleaching substances could cause anal burning and scarring. This, in turn, could lead to anal incontinence or an inability to pass stools at all.

Sound attractive? If the figures in the cost and reward equation don’t add up, perhaps it’s worth giving the bleach a miss and locating a lover who doesn’t expect your bum to look like Barbie’s.